This is my story about my virginity which is something difficult for me to talk about but sometimes God calls us to suffer for well doing as a testimony to others. 1 Peter 3:17: “For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing.” Where should I start? I know it was sometime in 2006, and the Holy Spirit laid it on my heart that I was to stay a virgin until marriage. Now a normal person would be excited to find this out, but unfortunately I was mad with God upon hearing this. Yeah I know not something a child of God should do or even respond.
But try to understand that I originally didn’t want to be a virgin. I didn’t even know why I was a virgin for the longest time. I just thought I was striking out with women for years. It was like whenever I got close to possibly having sex with a woman…something would go wrong. I did not know at the time that God was protecting me from…myself which I’m now happy and very appreciative of Him for doing that for me.
In my early years, I would have never thought I’d be a 34 year old virgin. I am the only virgin male that I know over 21. I used to watch all kinds of rated R movies as a child and I’d see nudity and unfortunately it turned me on. One of my greatest mistakes perhaps happened when I was 13. I found my dad’s porn stash if you will and began watching it. I don’t blame anyone but myself. I don’t blame my dad it was my fault. I was old enough to know that I shouldn’t do that, but I was naïve and was curious. However, doing this action has caused problems that I’m struggling with til this day. I must admit that I’ve been struggling with porn addiction for over 20 years. I’m sorry if I’m getting graphic, but I want to give my testimony. I have looked at all kinds of pornography, but pedophilia. I find all kinds of porn disgusting, disturbing and satanic whether I've viewed it or not. However, through Christ, all things are possible including overcoming porn addiction of all types.
Throughout the years I have looked at a lot of porn which include beastiality and homosexuality. So yes Satan has tempted me with homosexuality. I have never acted on that and by the grace of God I never will. Just like any addict, I’m prone to a relapse and I have done that many times over. Let me see, I’ve sent naked pics of myself to random women online which was another bad move. I did that back in 2005, but I almost did it again in 2011 and thankfully God led me to not send them out. I have tried to hook up with single women, married women, and even a few swingers. Yes when it comes to lust I have been out of control. I remember back in 2009, there was an incident that I picked up a lady, paid for a hotel room, and was going to lose my virginity. The woman was attractive, but the Holy Ghost led me to change my mind. She had even turned to the Playboy channel and an interracial porno was on. The Holy Spirit led me to ask her to change the channel. She is a nice girl, but she was disappointed because nothing happened. I instead took her home. This wasn’t the only incident where I came close to having sex, but was perhaps one of the few times I was alone with a women for longer than 30 minutes.
I apologize if I have offended or upset anyone with the way I’m telling my story, but I like to be honest and try to tell the story fully. Plus I wanted to tell this story like this in case anyone thinks that it’s easy to abstain from sex. Nooooooo it’s not lol! Jesus Christ has kept me a virgin or else I wouldn’t be. I also want to share this story to anyone that’s a virgin or going celibate as encouragement to continue abstaining from sex. I have, at times, treated my virginity like something common. Being a virgin is actually something sacred. In this instance, I have acted like Esau, a profane person. Remember Esau sold his birthright which was sacred but he treated it as common. I acted like that with my virginity.
Sex is something that is to be for procreation and enjoyed (recreation) by a married couple (man & woman) for one lifetime (read Proverbs 5:15 -23). Unfortunately we (mankind) have perverted this by all kinds of mess going on. Let me see there is beastiality, homosexuality, orgies, swinging, prostitution, pornography, and etc. When I mean us I mean everyone including myself. I pray that Jesus has mercy on us all (saved & unsaved alike) and shows us the error of our ways.
Despite my sins and other short comings, I will continue to seek Christ for strength so that I can remain a virgin til I’m married. That way my story will encourage other virgins and those that are celibate to abstain from sex. Plus I want to encourage women, who believe that all men are dogs and cheat, to let go of all that negativity. Plus since I’m a virgin, that makes that statement untrue and I’ll show the world that not all men are dogs. God will use my story as a way of breaking all stereotypes when it comes to men, not just black men. Thanks for reading my story God bless!
